Oh dear, this makes me sadder then ever. Can't believe i cried yet again for the things i loved. Am i really that bad?
It has been quite sometime since I've last danced. Haiz...but still I'm quite sad about it. No matter how hard i've worked, how hard i've tried, i am stil not good enough. Never seem to be good enough. Felt that all the money, time and effort has ben wasted. All that returns is just saddness and disappointment. It is really so hard? Why I can't seem to get it? I don't understand....
This is the very reason, i want to give up...
Jonah's story makes me feel that I'm in a similar situation as him. Well, I'm not literally running away for God, but I did disobeyed Him when I know clearly that what i did was not right. Now not only am i in a mess, i have drag other people down as well. Just like how God sent a raging storm to the people on the boat with Jonah.
Honestly, i felt that i am terribly wrong, and i always fail to see it. Now that everything has been laid before my eyes, it hard to deny how things has turn out because of my disobedience. I do feel guilty, i do feel that i was not sensible and sensitive enough to know what is happening around me. Somehow, i felt that i don't deserve to be loved at all....cause i have not taken care of that love well.
And the worse thing i have ever done is not letting God be my guide...